Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
