New low: just hacked my moms facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
