So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
