My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
