Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
