Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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