the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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