You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
