Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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