i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
