i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
