you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
