I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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