I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
