Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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