Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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