i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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