I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dignity is for republicans.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
