The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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