sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
