The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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