your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
