right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
40s are totally the cure
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
