Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
