he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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