I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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