At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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