me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
