He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
