Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
