I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
