I cut my penus on the lid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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