Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
