Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My balls are so social today.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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