i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
