Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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