Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
