you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
