I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
