She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
