i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
