Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Screwed.edu
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
