loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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