last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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