You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
