I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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