come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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