I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
