There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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