im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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