yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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